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the girl next door  Cheryl Low ' Eighteen. ' Clarinetist. ' NYJCian ' 08th Nov '91 --- I love the life of performing arts alot and my life is all about Family and Friends --- please remember to tagg! (: |
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Sunday, January 02, 2011
guess it is a good to time to do some reflections in the year of 2010.i dont feel good avoiding all the bad experiences,
i believe i can only really get over it, after i faced it.
so here i go..
the most drastic change that i experienced is the change in the studying environment.
no doubt about that.
and i let myself be caught offguard and unprepared by the changes.
i really hated this part of me,
the part which refuses to budge,
which hold onto the past so stubbornly for my own good.
the part of my brain which constantly draws me back to those beautiful memories i had,
the songs and music in my playlist which triggers a whole lot of scenes.
those were the scenes with me laughing, joking, smiling
those were the scenes of me putting on the nyjc uniform.
those were the scenes of me consulting mr wong tgt with my clique
those were the scenes with me studying and mugging in the drum.
those were the scenes with me in a green uniform, slapping good friends on the back.
those were the scenes with me sitting behind my own desk,
decorating my tabletop cover.
those were the scenes with me pinching dumbpig when she fell alsp in class.
and the list goes on..
too many flashbacks to be listed.
those were the memories and the times that i thought of when i'm in nus.
those were the times that makes me feel that i can exchange a great deal,
just for me to go back to the past.
i hated nus.
i really hated that place.
it voided me of my real laughter,
drowned me with just too many issues and shocks.
that was my memories of 2010,
accept for the good part when i'm working.
i felt lazy, stupid, useless, idiotic, friendless, isolated, worthless
to sum it all, i feel like crap and trash.
it was as though i climb right up to the top in jc, got my results,
and the support suddenly disappeared
and i was slammed right down. wayyy down.
that was 2010.
yes, that was 2010. and i promised/sweared to make it my past.
i wont deny that i screwed up my sem 1,
i wont deny that i was emotional and torn.
i will admit it, face it, get over with it.
2011 will be a wonderful, enriching year.
it will be a year where i get back my confidence.
it will be a year where i pull myself up tgt again,
and tell everybody who cheryl is.
i wont allow myself to make the same mistakes. not ever.
i wont allow myself to cry after an exam
i wont allow myself to cry because of professors without a tinge of integrity.
i wont allow myself to be praying for miracles every single second.
i saved the horrible emails in my computer. i saved that horrible exam result in my handphone.
i saved the moment of agony in my mind. i saved the hypocritic words of console and expression in my brain.
i will remember them, they will serve as reminders.
they will serve as painful lessons.
i wont allow myself to forget them.
AND i wont allow myself to land myself in this state again.
cheryl doesnt needs pity.
mark my words.
jiayou cheryl.
i know i can.